Spookiest Spots on the Planet
by PyxWPI
Summary: Dib has been chosen to investigate an allegedly haunted house on television, but he needs a team, and once he gets it, it will be hard work just getting things to go smoothly. Chapter 4 up!
1. Prologue: I didn't enter any contest

A/N: Hello all, and welcome to Another-Pyx:WPI-Story-That-Will-Probably-Never-Be-Finished. If you've never read my work before, I don't recommend that you do, because I'm told it sucks you in... and then there's no ending! How terribly disappointing for my readers. However, I'm trying a new system, which involves writing the ENTIRE story BEFORE I post any chapters on That's right! I've finally grown a brain! But seriously folks, the only way that this story will never be done is if I get REALLY busy all of a sudden and forget to post it, which is not likely to happen. It's a fool-proof plan!

This was a story that I was VERY happy with, a little parody of the show "The Scariest Places on Earth." This is basically a story that caters mostly to Dib, but the other characters are very much a part of it as well. I thought it was extremely funny when I read the final product, and I hope you do too, because I'm thinking about retiring from the entire fanfiction business altogether. It's not likely to happen, but I was considering it the other day.

So, I will be updating the story every week. That's my schedule. I'm sure it's a reasonable schedule as well. If it isn't... Well, that's just too bad, isn't it?

Another note: I'm sure you will all be shocked to read such things under my illustrious name, but this is NOT a self-insertion. None of the original characters in this story have any resemblance to me or any real aspect of me. Besides that, any original characters in this story play no major part in the plot, their job is to tell various versions of the legends behind the place that Dib and the crew go to investigate, most of them grossly incongruent.

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Jhonen Vasquez or Viacom. I am not profiting in any way from this publication. All character and story rights belong to Viacom. All initiatory and creative rights belong to Jhonen Vasquez. If at any time these rights become void, may whatever god and/or goddess you believe in have mercy on your doomed soul.

The Spookiest Spots on the Planet

Prologue

Dib bounded up the stairs, much to Gaz's annoyance, and hurried into his room, heading straight for his computer. He proceeded to log onto the internet and sat trembling with anticipation. He couldn't wait to know whether or not his suggestions had finally gotten through to the Swollen Eyeball network, and if they had posted his pictures of Zim on the website. He'd been requesting the privilage for weeks, but they had never even answered his emails or letters. Dib wondered what could have been taking so long, and it didn't help that he was terribly gullible about the Swollen Eyeball's attitude toward him.

His homepage blinked in front of him with a flashing email button , chiming "You've got mail!" in a horrendous monotone. Dib's original purpose was lost to the thought that he might have gotten a reply to "awareness about alien scum" thread in... several different forums. To his disappointment, there was nothing in his email about replies to these threads, but something else caught his sharp eye.

"Hey! What's this?" He clicked on the lone link that led to the one message in his inbox, and scanned it over with one eyebrow raised. "Huh? I've been chosen to hunt for the supernatural at Badici(1) Castle? I didn't enter any contests... (2)"

"Dib, if you don't shut up now, I'll have to yank your arms out of their sockets for disturbing me!" Gaz shouted from down the stairs.

Dib's eyes widened at the thought of being armless. "Sorry, Gaz!" he yelled back. Hearing a distinct, animal-like growling, he quickly shut his mouth and clicked the link at the bottom of the email that led to a website sporting a dark heading with the words "The Spookiest Spots on the Planet." Curious, he browsed the site for a few minutes before saying, "Sounds cool! But I've never heard of it. I wonder where this Badici Castle is..."

This growing curiosity led to an extensive internet search on the elements of the show he'd been invited onto and the place he would go if he were to accept. By the time he had finished his research, there was the unmistakable gleam of adventure in his eyes. It didn't take long to go back to the "Spookiest Spots" page and begin filling in his information in an online form, but he almost immediately ran into a problem.

"Team members?" He asked himself, his fingers hovering over the keyboard in hesitation. "It didn't say anything about teammates being required."

"You must really like being handicapped, Dib!" Gaz called menacingly from right outside Dib's bedroom door, before kicking it open and stalking into the room with a vengeance.

"Wait a minute! Do you just wait outside for me to make a noise so that you can maul me?" For once, Dib sounded more annoyed than scared. Gaz wasn't phased, though.

"That would denote that I pay more attention to you than I should. Let's say I have good hearing." Gaz gazed at her fingernails in mock fascination.

"Oh. In that case..." Dib stood up, paused, and ran from the room screaming. Gaz gave him a split second's head start before leaping after him, tooth and nail etended, and foaming at the mouth.

Fortunately for Dib, the only person Gaz respected in the world, their father, walked in a few moments into Gaz's attempt at surgery without a scalpel and persuaded her to stop trying to tear her brother to pieces with her bare hands. Gaz may not have been able to finish her work, but she had been making good time when Professor Membrane ambled in, and Dib was still pretty bruised. Membrane sat them both down on the living room couch and waggled his forefinger at them in a more cheerful than chastising manner.

"Now daughter, I can't have you trying to rip Dib apart! How is he supposed to run the Membrane Empire when I'm gone if he's missing pieces of his anatomy?" The Professor didn't bother waiting for an answer, but walked off toward his home lab with a purpose.

When he was gone, Dib gave Gaz a wobbly grin, difficult to do through his split lip. "Hey, Gaz, I've been chosen for this tv thing, and I need a team. Would you..."

Gaz held a silencing finger up in his face, shaking her head. "At the rate you embarrass me already? What makes you think I'd want you to embarrass me on tv?"

Dib frowned. "Come on, Gaz! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity! We get to look for ghosts and..."

"I don't share your wierd hobbies."

"...and you get a book of Bloaty's Pizza Hog coupons if you make it through the night!"

Gaz had gotten up a moment before and begun walking away from her nuisance of a brother, but when she heard his last arguement, she stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around slowly and retraced her steps until she was standing in front of Dib again, her eyes wide with the prospect of a book of coupons for her favorite resteraunt. Despite her look of awe and near benevolence, Dib flinched and withdrew, afraid of another beating. "... I'm listening."

The beginnings of a smile were emerging on Dib's battered face.

By the time Dib and Gaz had made it to Zim's base, Dib's wounds had miraculously healed (think either the amazing injury capacity of cartoon characters or Membrane's medical prowess) and Gaz had suddenly found Dib much more tolerable. The first thing noted as they both approached the strange abode was GIR was running to and fro about the patch of grass just beyond the tall wooden fence erected around Zim's property, as happy as ever, with the unusual little floating moose following him around, squeaking. They seemed to be playing a game of tag, GIR yelling, "You can't catch meh! YOOOOOOOOOUUU CAAAAN'T CAAAAAATCH MEEEE!"

Dib was understandably hesitant about going through the gap in that fence, and was thinking about a possible alternate route into the base, but Gaz had already charged onto the doorstep and was letting herself in. Niether of the henchmen frolicking in the yard were aware of Gaz's entrance into their master's base without their blessing, so they continued their game. Dib, still nervous about the security system and the fact that he didn't even have his mirrored suit, glanced back and forth and then dove past the gnomes and their dealy lasers that had been trained on him to follow Gaz.

Zim was in disguise and just about to go repair that space satalite on the roof, and perhaps take off a sizable chunk of his nieghbor's house, in an attempt to get some better reception out of the telescope when Gaz burst in on him. When Dib entered soon after, he went from temporarily speechless with anger to downright screaming with rage. "What are you filthy humans doing here? Get out! You pathetic Earthans are just asking asking for your imminent doom! Not that you have to, it being imminent and all...eh..." Zim had already lost interest in his own rantings before they even began, and was even less patient than usual. "It doesn't matter! Computer! Appre- ACK!"

Gaz had lurched forward and taken a fistful of the front of Zim's uniform, slamming him against the nearest wall. Zim was an invader, and wasn't frightened easily, but now he was positively sweating with anxiety, while the girl who had attacked him was looking rabid. "I... Want... My... Bloaty's... Coupons..." Her voice shook with every syllable and she looked ready to murder the Irken if need be.

Zim gulped, but managed to cast a glare over Gaz's shoulder at Dib, who was just standing in the middle of the floor, staring at his sister threatening to beat up someone other than himself. "Call... off your scary sibling, Human-Meat!"

"Well, I don't think she'll let go until you agree to join our team." Dib shrugged before being tackled by GIR.

"YOU'RE IT!" The little robot shrieked, giggling.

"OW!"

"I will never join the filthy earth Navy! I already turned down those dirt scum that called my phone and tried to trick me into fighting for your earth-ness!" Zim shouted, clearly misunderstanding Dib's point.

"Wha- No! I don't mean the Navy! I mean our team, mine and Gaz's! You see, we need another three people, and..." Dib struggled to throw the automaton off of him, but it seemed to get more difficult the harder he tried.

"Forget it, filth! I have more important things to do than play your little games!" Zim had no sooner refused when Gaz tightened her grip and the alien actually choked.

"There's no one else who would even be likely to do this stupid thing, and I want those coupons..." Gaz added still more pressure, and Zim squirmed under it.

"Call... off... the Dibsister!" Zim choked.

"Call off your dumb robot!" Dib retorted, still trying to overcome GIR's unlikely force.

"Ack! Fine! Tell... me... about this... team..." Gaz released her grip and Zim tumbled to the floor, gagging unattractively. Gaz smiled in a satisfactory way at her handiwork.

"GIR! Release the human!" Zim yelled at his servant as soon as his breath caught up with him. GIR giggled and left the room to dance with minimoose, who was still outdoors.

"What have you disturbed the sanctity of ZIM's home for, worm-baby?" demanded the Irken, fists on hips and trying to look as intimidating as possible.

"Yeah... You see, there's this show called "The Spookiest Spots on the Planet" and apparently I won a contest I never even entered..."

End of the prologue! Okay, a few more notes:

(1): If you didn't catch the Italian connotation there, I didn't really expect you to, but I decided to take a common suffix in many of the Italian names I've heard and put the word "bad" in front of it, and voila! Instant ZIM destination.

(2): "I didn't enter any contest..." was a personal joke of mine, because when I was little, I used to think that you didn't have to enter contests, and they just somehow found your information without your imput to enter you themselves, so I was sort of making fun of myself there.

Now, once again, I'll be updating in about a week, and I expect to start off my new chapter with a roaring crowd! Those of you who DO review will probably have to be really loud to make up for those who hated my prologue and don't review.

Blessed Be!

Pyx:WPI


	2. Chapter 1: Arrival

A/N: The coming four chapters will be written in script format, so read it like you're actually watching the show. I thought it would be more fun to write in this context for the entirety of the show's duration.

The Spookiest Spots on the Planet

Chapter 1

INT. SPOOKY SPOTS - ON SET

The Mysterious Mysteries Host seems to have a job on another paranormal cult hit as well. We pan in on him as he enters the set through a door at the back. The set is decorated with dirty stone walls and torch brackets set into them, as well as plenty of other Middle Ages artifacts. The MMHost slowly walks toward the camera with his hands clasped behind his back.

MMHOST

What makes a place spooky? Is it a dark and unhappy history? Is it an impending feeling of dread? Is it that sandwich floating and talking to you? Tonight, a young, big-headed, paranormal investigator named Dib...

A picture of Dib flashes on the screen.

DIB (O.S.)

MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!

MMHOST (IGNORING DIB)

...His scary sister, Gaz...

Gaz's picture looks none too pleasant as it flashes on the screen.

MMHOST

...A normal boy, Zim...

The picture of Zim has him looking rather confused.

MMHOST

...Zim's little, beefy(1) brother, GIR...

GIR is in his little boy disguise is waving in his picture.

MMHOST

...And a mysterious horned man...

Minimoose, in his picture, has an overcoat hanging from his floating form so it looks as though his body is the head of a purple, horned man in a bowler hat... who also happens to float in midair.

MMHOST

...Will be staying in Badici Castle for one night, for the most terrifying experience of their lives. Let's see how they deal with the supernatural that is supposed to take residence there.

Fade to black. White, spidery letters appear to form a sentence, that a scary voice that sounds like a hoarse old lady on helium starts reading the words.

VOICE

Badici Castle has a history steeped in blood... and liquid soap...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

A historian leans on the outside of the large stone wall and looking casual.

HISTORIAN

This place has been abandoned since the Middle Ages, and the only owner was Count Larribon, who was a major tyrant in the land. He was germophobic and liked to take as many baths as he could in a day, especially after meals. The servants couldn't bring up water fast enough, because the bathroom was on the third floor, so one day, Larribon had them all executed in the dining hall.

He nods knowingly, smiling in a completely carefree manner. We cut to:

EXT. PORCH OF OLD HOUSE

Pan in on a toothless old local.

OLD LOCAL

My Granddaddy said that they took childrens born on March 23rd and brought 'em on up to that there castle, and they didn't never come back out again.

INT. LOCAL BAR

A big, busty woman stands near the bar wearing rather revealing clothes. She lifts herself onto a bar stool.

WOMAN

I think it's safe to say that whatever's up there isn't human. They say this Larribon's wife died giving birth, and he killed the baby too. Real strange stuff.

FADE TO BLACK

VOICE  
Count Larribon was strongly opposed to children, especially those born near the ides of march...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

HISTORIAN

There have been hundreds of bones found around the property of hundreds of children. Larribon liked to write about how much he hated them

EXT. PLAY PARK

A little boy holds a football to his chest protectively, and looks into the camera fearfully.

LITTLE BOY

Uhm... My friends were all throwing rocks at the windows, and a boy just like me walked past and then disappeared! It was scary. Can I go now?

FADE TO BLACK

VOICE

It's been speculated that all the disappearances in the town are attributable to the ghosts' thirst for blood...

EXT. GROCERY STORE

A harrassed looking mother stands with a baby on her hip and a shopping cart filled to the brim with food. A sausage link dangles over the side of the cart.

MOTHER

I won't let any of my kids play out near that place. A lot of kids have been going missing and there's no way... (glances off screen, and does a double take on what she sees)... John! Let go of your brother's hair!

EXT. OUTSIDE CASTLE

HISTORIAN

People like to blame the disappearances on the ghosts, but that's a bunch of...

Suddenly, the man gets sucked into the wall, screaming the entire way.

FADE TO BLACK

VOICE

Yeah, I'll have a number four with extra cheese... OH! Right! Um, (clears throat) 6:30 p.m. Sunset. The team approaches Badici...

EXT. OUTSIDE CASTLE

A van pulls up to an ornate gate, and out step Gaz, Dib and Zim. GIR rockets out, and Minimoose floats. They are all wearing vests that focus a camera on each of their faces. Dib seems to be the only one wh's even remotely awed by the sight of the castle.

GAZ

It's stupid.

DIB (OFFENDED)

Gaz! This is one of the most haunted places in the world! It's COOL!

ZIM (SCOFFING)

You humans and your bad taste in architecture. Look at that! It's more hideous than you! (Points at Dib)

DIB (NOT HAVING FUN SO FAR)

HEY!

MINIMOOSE (COMFORTING DIB)

squeak

DIB (NODDING)

Yeah, I guess...

ZIM (SHOCKED THAT HIS SERVANT WOULD TRY TO MAKE DIB FEEL BETTER)

MINIMOOSE! Have you no SHAME?

MINIMOOSE

squeak

ZIM

Well... Don't do it again...

GIR (CHIPPER)

WE GONNA DIE!

They all headed up the long driveway to the castle, and by the time they get to the bonfire at the end, they're exhausted, except for GIR.

DIB (PANTING)

Here.. we are...

GAZ

If... I ever have to hike... for a coupon again... I'm going to... doom you, Dib...

GIR

Let's find the hidden treasure! ARR!

ZIM

When I... get back to my base... I'm going to... (He thinks for a second) Oh, I donno.

The MMHost walks toward them around the bonfire. He looks at Dib and rolls his eyes, not believing his luck at having to work with him again.

MMHOST

Is everyone here?

ZIM

Yes, yes, tell us our mission already!

GIR

Moo, moo, MOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MMHOST

Uh-huh... Well, it's simple. There are infrared cameras everywhere in the castle, and you'll be investigating wherever you can. Here's a map of the castle. You'll meet up in the entrance hall every three hours, and I'll give you more instructions from there. So, let's go inside.

Dib nods, excited down to his very molecules, Gaz shrugs, Zim grunts, Minimoose squeaks, and GIR vomits. They make their way to a table in the middle of the entrance hall, looking around them uninterested, except for Dib, who's absolutely entralled. They take a seat, and wait for the MMHost to begin speaking. He pauses for dramatic effect, but the pause is much too long for Zim.

ZIM

Expel your words through spittle, human! What do we have to do?

MMHOST (LOOKING AT ZIM STRANGELY)

You must all start with nothing but your flashlights. Go around the castle and see if you can't feel anything unusual from your natural sixth sense, then come back in three hours. Just hope that the haunting isn't too bad tonight...

A/N: (1): I played off of the idea that GIR's disguises are filled with ground beef. Plus, I liked the sound of "little, beefy brother".

Well, it's been fun, but I've got to break here, or I'll never get any sleep. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Blessed Be!


	3. Chapter 2: Stage Drama

A/N: It's incredible. The moment that I have a story to update, the very Wednesday that I must comply to my readers' demands and turn out another chapter, I have a ton of other things to do for my chemistry, pre-calc, psychology, and french classes. Not to mention I have to finish up that college essay. Oh well, luckily I didn't forget to quench your thirst for my story this evening, and have written a chapter that will surely AMAZE you! Thank you so much for the reviews, those that were kind enough to do so. I look forward to your reactions to this chapter, because I had an especially good time writing it.

Spookiest Spots on the Planet

Chapter 2

INT. DINING HALL

A person walks into the dining hall, which is a very large room, but only contains a long medieval dining table with at least twenty heavy oak chairs surrounding it. The person carries a squirming burlap sack, and when he overturns it, Zim falls out with a thump and a loud groan. The person who brought him there proceeds to walk out of the room, shugging. Zim stands and begins shouting at the retreating figure.

ZIM (ANGRY)

Filthy primate! You shall know the wrath of ZIM! Hey, come back here so I can bring merciless doom upon your head!

Zim is overcome by an unknown force and stops yelling. He shivers involunarily. To him, the silence just made the room a lot darker.

INT. LORD'S ROOM

Dib is shaken out of his burlap sack by a woman who screams and flees from the room the moment she completes the action. Dib stands and brushes himself off, a little annoyed, but his attention is caught by his surroundings and his annoyance quickly melts away. Dib gazes around at the massive canopy bed and armoire in the great room and is suddenly fascinated.

DIB

WOW! I wonder what's under here!

Dib glances under the bed, and upon seeing nothing, moves on to the rest of the room.

INT. BATHING CHAMBER

Gaz walks casually into the bathing chamber, unaccompanied and without a sack. A large porcelin basin is filled to the brim with water, but there is no plumbing, and no explaination as to how it got there. Gaz walks over to the ornate bathtub perched on antique golden alloy claws and picks up one of the many bars of soap that had been piled into it. The soap bar she holds has a familiar brand name carved into the top. Gaz growls, furious at the producers of the show.

INT. LIBRARY

GIR tumbles to the floor happily and rolls along in somersaults until he hits a bookshelf, which topples over on top of him. The man who brought him to the room just sighs and walks out, burlap sack still in hand. GIR giggles, lifts the shelf off of himself effortlessly, and throws it over his head, effectively tossing it on top of the retreating man. The man screams in pain, but no more is heard from him after that. GIR sheds his little boy disguise, strewing beef everywhere, and sucks his thumb contentedly.

INT. SERVANT QUARTERS

Minimoose floats into a room about the size of the dining hall, but filled with old sheetless cots. The moonlight shines in through the large ground floor windows and the room is more alight than it would have been normally. Minimoose squeaks. A corner of the cramped room creaks forebodingly. Minimoose squeaks again. A bed frame slides across the floor a few inches on its own. Minimoose merely squeaks.

INT. DINING HALL

Zim stands on the long dining table, overlooking the room from the higher point of view and glaring at the grimy walls. He snorts disdainfully.

ZIM

The Dib-human has wasted my precious time... AGAIN! I could be manuevering a death-ray over the Earth! But, his sibling is so terrifying that it is impossible to refuse her wishes. WHY?

He glances around as if looking for an answer, and his frown deepens.

ZIM

I have not seen a single tansluscent deseased...

Zim suddenly raises his arms in victory, grinning.

ZIM

HAH! Even the DEAD fear to confront ZIM!

Zim's antenna raise under his wig, making it twitch, as he hears a creak in one of the darker corners of the room. He narrows his eyes in anticipation. He swings around just in time to see a chair tip over. Zim growls.

ZIM

What a pitiful attempt at haunting! If I were to die, I'd be far more frightening than that!

As if in response, the chair picks itself up and flings itself at the alien. Zim yelps and only just has time to dive out of the way and off the table as the heavy chair flies over his head and crashes into the opposite wall. Zim stands and shakes his fist in all directions.

ZIM

You ghosts have not seen the last of INVADER ZIM!

He runs from the room.

INT. LORD'S ROOM

Dib is now tossing old clothes out of the armoire in an attempt to find anything ghostly, muttering to himself the whole time. He falls back onto the bed empty-handed and defeated, and in so doing raises a cloud of thick dust which causes him to hack and cough violently and fall off the bed. Waving the dust away, he happens to see a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye. Jumping to his feet, he turns to the spot, arms outstretched, feet spread wide, and back arched like a shuffling lineman.

DIB

Who's there?

There is no answer. However, the bed creaks as an invisible pressure is put on the bed, and it sags accordingly. Dib stares, momentarily speechless.

DIB

Oh man! I gotta tape this!

He struggles to unstrap the infrared camera from his torsoso he can point it at the apparition, but to no avail. When he gives up several moments later, his eyes are drawn to a point high above his head, where a traditional fan floats in midair. As soon as he sees it, it begins to attack him, hitting him repeatedly.

DIB

Hey! Knock it off! Come on, leave me alone! Stop it!

He runs out, screaming, the fan failing to follow.

INT. BATHING CHAMBER

Gaz hasn't bothered to move, and she currently sits on the edge of the bathtub, punching buttons on her GameSlave. She only half looks up when she hears running steps, and Dib enters the room, breathing hard. She ignores him, concentrating on her game.

DIB

Gaz! A ghost attacked me! I was in the-

GAZ (NOT LOOKING UP)

Not now, Dib. I'm almost to the savepoint.

DIB

But Gaz! This is important!

GAZ (STILL NOT BOTHERING TO LOOK UP)

Yeah, yeah. Now be quiet before I have to hurt you.

Dib complies, and the next few moments are spent listening to GameSlave beeps. Finally, Gaz turns it off and stuffs it back into her pocket, glaring at her brother.

DIB

Haven't you seen anything?

GAZ

You mean besides these filthy walls, my GameSlave, and your ugly face?

DIB

Yeah.

GAZ

Yes, actually, I did see that mirror over there bang against the wall for a half an hour.

DIB (EXCITED)

Really?

GAZ (NOT CARING)

Yeah. It stopped after a while though. Your ghosts must be getting bored.

DIB

Come on! We've gotta go find Zim!

Dib grabs Gaz's wrist and pulls her from the room, angering her greatly. She proceeds to make him pay.

INT. LIBRARY

Minimoose has made it to GIR. He is watching GIR play tic-tac-toe in the layer of dust on one of the tables. Apparently, a ghost is playing with GIR, because an invisible finger traces an "x" in the dust, making three in a row diagonally.

GIR

I lost! YAY! Play again!

The ghost doesn't answer, but overturns the table.

GIR

He brokeded it! HE BROKEDED IT!

MINIMOOSE

Squeak!

Zim bursts into the Library. Spotting GIR and Minimoose, he strides over to them. Zim smacks Minimoose for no reason and the tiny moose flies across the room and bumps up against a leather chair, squeaking angrily.

ZIM

The ghosts are more powerful than I had first anticipated. They hold magical ghostly technology at their disposal! If all humans become so powerful when they die, how can I destroy them without bringing about my own downfall?

MINIMOOSE (FURIOUS)

SQUEAK!

ZIM

YES! I shall recruit these ghosts for my own purposes!

GIR

The mushrooms are happy?

ZIM (EVIL)

Yes, GIR, very happy!

Zim begins to laugh maniacally. Dib and Gaz walk into the library, Dib looking battered and bruised. Zim clears his throat and cowers mockingly, doing a bad impression of anxiety to cover up his previous gleeful behavior.

ZIM (BAD ACTING)

The dead humans frighten me!

GAZ (ROLLING EYES)

Shut up Zim. We heard you laughing in here.

ZIM

Well... What are YOU humans doing here?

DIB (SUSPICIOUS)

We were coming to find you. We both found some ghosts!

ZIM

A deceased contacted me as well. The horrible thing threw a sitting device at my magnificent head!

DIB

So what should we do now?

An electronic beeping fills the room. Gaz pulls up her sleeve and looks at her watch, which she had set for nine o' clock. She quiets the alarm by throwing the watch against a nearby wall and thereby crushing it. She shrugs.

GAZ

Time to go back to the entrance hall.

A/N: So, Zim has an evil plan. Again. And this one probably won't fly either. Bet you didn't think this story had a plot relative to the show, did you? Ha! Fooled you! Well, thank you for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Blessed Be!


	4. Chapter 3: Meeting the Ghosties

A/N: THIS IS IMPORTANT! An explanation as to why I have not updated in over two weeks is at hand. First of all, on Wednesday of the week I was SUPPOSED to make my update, my parents sprang a surprise outing on me, and I didn't get home until very late. On Thursday, I had to meet with a Western State College of Colorado representative with my application and college entry essay (as well as a few odds and ends) at eight o' clock, during which meeting I was accepted. The rest of the week was filled with planning and meetings with my counselor at school to figure out how I was going to pay my college expenses, and I completely forgot about and everything internet-wise.

Now, I suppose I shouldn't have forgotten the internet, because when I finally remembered, my dial-up service wasn't working. Now, since my family's bankrupcy, we were no longer able to use credit cards, so my mother had to call up the internet service and arrange it so that we could send in a money order to keep our internet. Well, long story short, they said we didn't pay, we swore we did, and there was a long phone fight. We have finally gotten the internet back, and everything is right with the world again.

As I understand it, however, I'm not allowed to post in script format (Thank you, my last reviewer, who reminded me of this rule). Unfortunately, I can't possibly rewrite my chapters in standard story format, because I have too much to do anymore. Preparation for college has gotten the best of me. So, if you would like to report me for not following the rules, I would not blame you for doing so. In fact, if your conscience prods you enough, I encfourage you to. But, I will continue to update in script format for as long as my story is up (except for the final chapter), because it would take far too long to redo all the chapters. I hope you all understand.

Come to think of it, a mass majority of the Invader ZIM fics I've read are written in a format similar to mine. How odd.

Spookiest Spots on the Planet

Chapter 3

INT. ENTRANCE HALL

The team enters the entrance hall and sits down around the table set up there. They notice at the outset that a hover screen displaying the words "please stand by" has replaced the MM Host. They wait for the message to disappear and the hover screen to show the host. And they wait. It seems that the MM Host has a flair for dramatic entrance, because the team waits a good five minutes, with Dib resting his head on his palm, Zim drumming his gloved fingers on the table impatiently, Gaz hunched in her seat in angry contemplation, GIR rolling on his chair, and Minimoose hovering and squeaking. Finally, Zim loses it.

ZIM

ARRRGGG! The filthy human is late!

GAZ

Tell us something we don't know.

DIB

Jeez, we could be back in there getting evidence!

GIR

Do you really want to huuuuuuurt meeee? Do you really want to maaaake me cryyyyy?

The monitor finally lights up and displays the MM Host. In the corner of the screen, a little note in block letters says "live recording". Zim stands on his chair and places his fists on his hips, narrowing his eyes.

ZIM

It's about time! Tell me the secret to capturing the ghosts!

The MM Host stares for a moment, but then clears his throat.

MM HOST

So, you've used your bare senses to detect the paranormal activity that runs rampant in this place. Now it's time to collect some palpable evidence. There are several tools laid out before you...

Dib raises his hand hesitantly as if asking a dangerous question, with his eyes narrowed in a determined manner.

DIB

Uh... no there's not...

A hole opens up in the ceiling and a pile of devices fall haphazardly onto the table, including a electromagnetic reader, a pair of divining rods, and, for some strange reason, a plastic stethoscope. Some of these items spill over the edge of the table and onto the floor.

MM HOST

Now there is.

DIB (NODDING, SATISFIED)

Okay.

MM HOST

You'll either examine rooms by yourself, or with others. Be prepared to come back with your evidence in hand at midnight.

Gaz pulls another watch out of her pocket and sets it for twelve a.m. Dib raises an eyebrow.

MM HOST

The best of luck to you...

The hover screen goes blank. Zim lurches foreward and grabs a crystal pendulum off of the top of the new pile on the table top. He sneers at it, then at Dib.

ZIM

THIS is classified as a valuable tool? A ROCK on a STRING?

DIB

Hey, I don't see you pulling anything better out of that alien pak of yours!

ZIM (BAD ACTING)

Alien? Nonsense.

DIB

Besides, pendulums work. If it starts spinning, it means there's a ghost around.

Zim snorts. Gaz grabs the electromagnetic reader out of the pile and turns it on. Dib carefully lifts a infrared camera out of the pile as if handling his first-born child. GIR gets a hold of the divining rods and begins beating the floor with them. Minimoose bumps into a pair of night-vision goggles and squeaks. All of them wander out of the room and on their own seperate ways.

INT. DINING HALL

Zim has returned to his original room, and is holding up the pendulum, unsure of what to do with it. Something in the back of his biological mind sparks when the pendulum starts to spin. Zim recalls what Dib said about the tool.

ZIM

Hmmm... Ghost-things? Show yourselves!

Another chair is flung at him. He dives to the floor for the second time that night, then jumps to his feet, growling.

ZIM

I am a trained invader! There is no one who gets the better of ZIM! NO ONE! Not even-

Zim falls over, unconscious, from a hit to the back of the head by a floating wine bottle. A disembodied voice laughs maniacally.

INT. LORD'S ROOM

Dib runs into the room, looking eager. He holds the infrared camera to his eye, grinning stupidly, and spinning around to catch everything he can. He sees the shadow of a human form flitting around the room, but when he looks over the camera, he doesn't see anything. His grin widens.

DIB

Uhhh... Hello?

The fan raises itself again, ready to attack, but Dib holds up his hand in front of his face, in defense.

DIB

WAIT! I just wanna talk to you!

The ghost's fan halts in midair and it appears to consider what Dib says. After a moment, the ghost's form materializes into that of a beautiful woman with a full pregnant belly. Dib smiles at her.

DIB

Thanks for not hitting me. So... what's it like being a ghost?

The ghost woman shrugs.

INT. NORTH-EASTERN CORRIDOR

GIR screams in delight, scratching the walls with the tips of the divining rods he'd collected from the table in the entrance hall. Spectral figures float along behind him, all of them appearing to be children, and all of them laughing happily. GIR stops dead in his tracks and does a back hand-spring, landing right in front of a child with a tilted hat.

GIR

You wanna play hide 'n seek? It'll be fun!

CHILD GHOST (IN STRANGE, ECHO-LIKE VOICE)

Yeah! I'll be it!

The child ghost giggles and leans his face into the wall, counting. GIR runs away, and the rest of the ghosts follow screaming in delight.

INT. DINING HALL

Gaz wanders in, bored. She hears a slight groaning and rounds the great table to find Zim, face-down in the dirt, reaching back and rubbing a large welt on the back of his head.

ZIM (MUFFLED BY FILTHY FLOOR)

mph, mrrrg phse...

GAZ (SHAKING HEAD)

What did you do, Zim? Trip over your own feet?

Zim lifts himself on his hands and stumbles to his feet. He growls in Gaz's face, and she slaps him for his insolence. Cowering slightly, he growls again, this time staying clear of Gaz's personal bubble.

ZIM

The filth-dead-evil... THING decided to hit me! This means war against the deceased of this planet! When Zim dies, he will be far less annoying! Wait...

Zim scratches his head, trying to decide if he will actually die. Gaz rolls her eyes.

GAZ

Have you seen Dib?

ZIM

NO! I have not seen your monkey-sibling! He is most likey befriending the dead! They have something in common with him anyway: the fact that they refuse to bow to their future ruler! Oh well, I'll just have to destroy them! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

GAZ

Yeah, there's only one problem with that.

ZIM

Mmhmm, what's that?

GAZ

They're already dead.

ZIM

Hah! That means nothing! I'll just have to devise a way to KILL the dead!

Minimoose floats in with the night-vision goggles strapped around his body. He squeaks, and Gaz points him out to Zim, who was momentarily lost in thought. Once he notices his moosey henchman, he waves him over.

ZIM

YES! Minimoose! Come! We have much to accomplish before the earth sun rises!

Zim turns to Gaz, wondering internally what to do with her. Considering the girl's indifferent to furious attitude toward her fellow man, he comes to a fairly reasonable conclusion. He's NOT going to bother destroying her.

ZIM

Eh, go away now.

GAZ (SHRUGGING)

Whatever.

She walks away to the other end of the room. Before Zim is able to start his project, Dib wanders in, talking to the ghost woman over his shoulder.

DIB

...And Zim is an alien from another planet, but nobody believes me. There they are.

He points to the others in the room. Gaz waves in a nonchalant manner while Zim screams and throws himself over the Irken tools he's already laid out on the dining table. The ghost woman waves back at Gaz and raises her eyebrows at Minimoose, who is slowly floating towards her.

DIB

Zim! What are you up to?

ZIM (EYES FIXED ON THE CEILING IN AN INNOCENT WAY)

Why must you always accuse me of everything, Dib-human? I am "up to" nothing.

DIB

I know you, Zim! You're never up to nothing!

ZIM

Bah! No one knows Zim!

They begin to bicker. Minimoose is now very close to the ghost woman and squeaks something in her ear. She gasps and smacks him away. He zooms into the darkness, squeaking. Suddenly, a freezing breeze makes all of them shiver and hug themselves. Dib looks around apprehensively.

An evil laughter fills the room as Gaz's watch beeps, signaling their return to the entrance hall. They all run out as the breeze turns into a full-blown wind.

A/N: The next chapter gets a bit more serious, and I couldn't decide if it belonged in a story like this. This has been a random humor so far, but I wanted to take this next chapter to a new level, in helping to free the spirits from Badicci castle. I really think you guys will enjoy the new chapter. Thank you again for your reviews and I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving! Best wishes and Blessed Be!


	5. Chapter 4: Ending The Game

A/N: So much for my schedule, huh? I guess real life has to get in the way of these things. Anyhow, this is the second to last chapter, the last being the epilogue and written in regular story format like the prologue. I honestly can't tell you when I will update that epilogue for you, so just wait diligently, and I'll do so eventually. I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you all to forgive me, because there has been so much rule-breaking and badness in this fic. I'd also like to thank my reviewers. I may not have gotten many for this fic, but I have not gotten a single bad one so far. You are all dear to me, and I hope you continue to read my work, because I really enjoy entertaining you.

Now, this chapter is a little bit more serious than the previous ones. I tried to make it funny, but my attempts might not have pulled through. I'll let you, as my readers, decide for me. I may very well up the rating for this fic because of the content for this chapter. I'm not sure though. I think it'll be fine. If it's not, say so in a review, and I'll fix it right away.

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Spookiest Spots on the Planet

Chapter Four

INT. ENTRANCE HALL

The team enters the hall in what seems to be complete terror. Zim, Dib and Gaz run into the room with their arms thrown over their heads. Gaz reveals herself to be annoyed and angry rather than scared when she drops her arms and shows grinding teeth beneath a mop of blown astray hair. Minimoose, usually quite slow, zooms in at about sixty miles per hour, squeaking in absolute fright. None of them sit, but gather around the table, not daring to even speak as another ferocious laugh echoes through the entire castle. It's a few moments before GIR joins them, running with his mitten-like palms covering his saucer-eyes, which are streaming little robot tears. For a second, all anyone can do is stare. Finally, Minimoose squeaks reasuringly and Zim kneels next to GIR in an almost comforting pose.

ZIM

GIR! What did you see! What did they do to YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!

GIR (SNIFFLING)

My friends ran away! They disappeareded into a wall and I ain't never gonna see 'em again!

ZIM (SLIGHTLY CONFUSED)

Eh?

DIB

What friends? There's nobody here but us, except for the ghosts...

Zim and Dib look at each other with concerned expressions, knowing exactly who GIR's friends were now. Gaz scoffs at their momentary lapse of reason.

GAZ (NONE TOO REASSURING)

They probably went to relive their deaths or something.

DIB (A LITTLE SHOCKED THAT SHE KNEW A PARANORMAL THEORY)

Gaz?

GAZ (SHRUGGING)

I watch TV.

DIB

It's probably that Count Larribon guy! I'll bet he's keeping them from going on! As defender against evil, I have to help them!

Dib strikes a heroic pose. Gaz glares at him irritably.

GAZ

You do that. I'll just cease to associate myself with you.

Gaz heads for the heavy oak and iron doors, ready to leave. Dib holds up his hand in protest of her actions, though she can't see it.

DIB

WAIT! If you leave, we all have to! What about your Bloaty's coupon?

Gaz freezes on the spot, shudders in intense thought, and resigns herself to turn back around against her better judgement. The MMHost reappears on his hover screen just as Gaz makes it back to the table, the first to sit down among the restless team.

MMHOST

Well, you have your proof. Now, you must perform one final act to make sure the hauntings do not follow you home. One final rite of blessing for the dead. This-

A sudden scream interrupts the MMHost's instructions and permeates the castle. Dib jumps up reflexively, ready for action.

MMHOST (TERRIFIED)

What was THAT?

DIB

The ghost woman I found in the master bedroom!

ZIM (GROWLING AT THE CEILING)

Why do the dead squeal so?

GAZ

Why does any human squeal, you moron?

DIB

She's in trouble!

ZIM (SCOFFING)

What nonsense are you spewing now, Dib-human? She's dead! How can she be in trouble if she's dead?

MMHOST (SLIGHTLY CONFUSED)

Uhm, am I missing something?

GIR (TO MMHOST)

SHHHHHHHHHH! This is the best part!

DIB

COME ON! We gotta help her!

Dib tears out of the hall as if his life depended on it. Gaz and Zim grumble, but follow the young paranormal investigator. GIR giggles mischieviously, and rolls out of the hall after his master and Gaz, and Minimoose, reluctant to leave the safety of the hall, lags behind.

MMHOST

Hello?

INT. DINING HALL

Dib runs into the room ready to fight whatever was hurting the ghost woman, but stops abruptly at the sight before him. This causes everyone who was following him to crash into his back. Dib doesn't seem to notice, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide in a strange mixture of awe and horror.

GAZ (IRRITATED)

Dib, you idiot! I swear-

ZIM (GROWLING)

What is the meaning of this stink-

When Gaz and Zim work their way around the frozen Dib, they take on much the same expression he has as the ghost woman screams again, extending it with soft lamenting. GIR and Minimoose soon follow suit and the entire party is witnessing what appears to be the miracle of birth, ghost style. The ghost woman lets out another scream of pain and the spectators collectively lean away from the scene.

GAZ (TERRIFIED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE)

I'm never having children...

DIB

That's... just not right.

ZIM (CONVULSING INVOLUNTARILY)

You humans are DISGUSTING! THIS is how you produce your offspring?

GIR (CLAPPING)

I see the HEAD!

Everybody glares at GIR and make individual faces of disapproval, but they seemingly prefer to turn their eyes back on the birth-giving process. A few hours pass to find the team in a state of boredom, dispite the screaming of the ghost woman, which has grown progressively more frequent. GIR is gazing avidly at the birthing, watching the ghost nurse's movements as she assists and producing popcorn from the top of his head. Gaz has taken on her usual anger shrouded expression, but with a sympathetic element as well. Dib sat on the floor with a notebook, actually taking notes. Minimoose is rolling on the floor, and Zim is sitting in a chair at the dining table, while banging his head on said table.

DIB (QUESTION SUDDENLY OCCURING TO HIM)

Hey Gaz? Has Dad given you "the talk(1)" yet?

GAZ (SHRUGGING)

Yeah. Why?

DIB

Why didn't he say anything about this?

GAZ

Because the talk would have been LONGER. Duh.

ZIM (GROANING FROM HIS MASSIVE, SELF-PRODUCED HEADACHE)

When will it END?

GIR

When the fat lady sings! WHOO!

Just then, a fat lady didn't sing, but the sound of a relieved sigh and echoing cries fills the room. Dib jumps to his feet and jogs toward the ghost nurse, but before he can see the end result, the ghost of a cruel-looking man with a goatee materializes before him. The man laughs maniacally.

DIB (LOOKING DEFIANT)

Count Larribon! You're behind this!

COUNT LARRIBON'S GHOST

Yes! And now... Uh, you wouldn't happen to have any of those new disposable wipe-things? This place is filthy, I mean, come on...

DIB

Yeah. Here ya go.

Dib pulls a wet-wipe out of his backpack and hands it to the ghost. The ghost scrubs his transluscent hands and face brutally and then throws the wipe back at Dib. It slaps into his face, sticking there.

DIB (IRRITATED)

HEY!

COUNT LARRIBON'S GHOST

Now! This hideous child shall be BURNED! Bwahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

The Count turns to a stretch of wall that was at first believed to be empty, but now is revealed to have had a grate in it, shrouded in the darkness of the room. The grate roars and large flames appear in it. Zim, standing nearby, looks contemplative, narrowing his eyes at the ghost baby as it is picked up by its father, Larribon, and hurled at the new fire. Surprisingly, Zim leaps in front of the licking flames and intercepts the infant like a football. Larribon looks furious and terrified at the same time. Zim lifts the baby above his head triumphantly and it cries in horror.

ZIM (VICTORIOUS)

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! I have captured one of your number for testing! When I have finished that, I shall know the ghost's weaknesses! You deceased shall know the wrath of ZI- huh?

Zim finally realizes from the heat that his backside is alight with the flame from the fireplace. He shrieks, throwing the baby away in favor of running around in panic. Dib, seeing this, dives to the floor to save the infant, landing painfully on his belly, but succeeding in catching the baby. Larribon yells out in rage as his form seems to implode in ghostly flames.

Zim continues to yell out in agony, fanning behind him unwisely.

ZIM

WHY? WHY MUST THE EARTH ATMOSPHERE BE SO INFUSED WITH FLAMMABLE GASES? IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!

Dib carefully gets to his feet, holding the newborn ghost as if it were made of a rare and precious glass. He carries it to the ghost nurse, who stares at him with her mouth open as if HE'S the alien invader in the room. She holds out her arms, and Dib carefully sets the baby in her arms. Suddenly, the mother of the ghost, who had been playing her dead role very well, grows brighter than ever before and levitates high into the air. She opens her eyes and smiles down on the team. The nurse, infant, and the rest of the ghost children join the mother so that the ceiling is thick with transluscent people. Zim is oblivious, still on fire.

ZIM

GIR! THE EXTINGUISHER! QUICKLY!

GHOST WOMAN (GAZING DOWN AT ZIM HAPPILY)

I couldn't leave without my child. Now we shall rest in peace, all due to this strange, green boy.

She gestures to Zim, and Dib leaps foreward.

DIB

He's an alien from outer SPACE! He tried to take your baby to experiment on it! He wants to take over the Earth!

GHOST WOMAN

Silly boy. Aliens don't catch fire.

DIB

But-

GHOST WOMAN

It's time for us to go. Thank you! Farewell!

All of the ghosts fade away. Dib let's his shoulders slump in defeat and begins sulking. Zim is still running and screaming for an extinguisher. In compliance, GIR opens his head, points the cavernous opening at his master and a pressurized stream of water shoots at Zim. Zim's fire went out, but his shrieks increase. Gaz rolls her eyes and turns to Minimoose.

GAZ

Let's get outta here.

MINIMOOSE

Squeak.

DIB

Yeah.

Gaz waves her hand and leaves the dining hall, GIR, Minimoose and Dib following her complacently, forgetting Zim writhing in pain on the floor.

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A/N: 1: A quick aside from the plot of this story; Professor Membrane has given Dib and Gaz "the talk" in my sick, messed up reality. For those of you who don't know what I mean: "The Talk" is code for "sitting down my children and talking to them about the biology of sexual activity." As you can probably guess, Membrane would be quite accomplished at "the talk", being a scientist.

I had a person argue to me that Dib and Gaz were born from tubes, and don't need the talk, but I was quick to point out that whether or not they were born from a tube, they still have the biological differences that make them a boy and a girl, and those are worth noting, even to a scientist who created his children with a needle and petri dish. Don't know if you agree or disagree, but I thought it was worth mentioning so some of you don't get confused.

So, we only have one chapter left, and I'm very excited to finish this fic, since it was my best yet, by far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, though it may have strayed from completely humorous. Blessed Be!


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